This page was inspired by an evening spent with English, French and Spanish friends, during which we perplexed and confounded each other with our different senses of humour. So, in the spirit of international bafflement we'd like to try and collect jokes from as many countries as possible. If you have a joke that is country specific and isn't about Okies, Newfies, Paddies or Polacks, please send it in.
To start, here are jokes from Japan, Spain, France and England...
Japan
A foreign tourist said to a Japanese fishmonger, 'I hear you Japanese people are really clever. What makes you so bright?'
'It's easy' said the fishmonger. 'We eat fish. We eat fish everyday.'
'I see, then I will come and buy fish here everyday,'said the tourist. On the tenth day the tourist came in looking unhappy. 'I don't feel that I'm any cleverer than I was ten days ago. I wonder if you're tricking me.'
'See,' said the fishmonger with a smile, 'you're much brighter than you were ten days ago.'
France
A coach driver was taking tourists to Calais. Approaching the area he saw a sign saying 'Pas de Calais', so he turned the coach round and announced, 'We have to go back. Somebody's stolen Calais.'
There were 2 cats standing on the side of a river they had to cross. The first cat was english and called one two three, the second cat was french and called un deux trois.
They decided to make it race to make it more fun. Which cat do you suppose won the race?
one two three, because un deux trois quatre cinq!
thanks to Sophie Minka Claydon for that one!
Israel
A man calls his mother in Israel: "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
Mr. Shwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol.
He says to Sol (who is very religious), "So nu, tell me Sol my boy what do you do?"
"I study the Torah," he replies.
"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?"
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says G-d will provide."
"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. Shwartz.
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says G-d will provide."
Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like.
"Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him and he already thinks I'm G-d."
Spain
A man was sorting through his attic and he found an old violin and an old painting. He took them to an antiques dealer who told him, 'What you've got here is a Dali and a Stradivarius.' 'That's great', said the man. 'I'm rich.' 'Not really', said the dealer. 'The violin was made by Dali and Stradivarius did the painting.'
United Kingdom
A student failed an exam at the London School of Economics and had to resit it the following year. After the resit he went to his tutor and said, 'The questions were all exactly the same as in last year's exam,' 'I know', said the tutor, 'but the answers are different.'
United States of America
A jewish woman was ellected to be the presdient of the USA.
She calls her mother to tell her the good news: "mom I just won the ellections, i'm going to be the president, will u come to the ceremony?"
The mother: "umm... I don't know, I have nothing to wear..."
The daughter: "MOM! i'll send u a dress!"
The mother: "I don't know... I only eat kosher food..."
The daughter: "It's ok mom, i'm gonna be the president, you'll get your kosher food!"
The mother:" But how will I get there?"
The daughter: "GOD mom, i'll send a limo, just be there.."
At the ceremony the mother sits down... first thing she does is stick an elbow to the guy next to her saying: "you see that woman over there with one hand over the bible?... her brother's a doctor!
Do you have a Joke to share?
Here at Rubberneck Games we'd like to hear your favourite jokes from around the world. Please complete the form below to submit your joke for consideration. We'll publish the ones we like on the website and don't forget to let us know where it comes from.
